today marks another year round the sun for me.
last night i was thinking about how "you should live each day as your last" and if that were so, that today would be pretty good day. i wasn't really focusing on the "dying" part, but more on the amazingness that life is so it wasn't all morbid like it may sound... but just how such simple pleasures are truly what i would want as a "last meal" type of day.
grateful that i spent the day with the sun on my face and feeling the wind brush across my skin.
that i climbed a tree.
i picked ladybugs with my children, and felt the enlivening prick of thorns 'gainst my fingertips.
i cuddled and played with each of my children, made love to my husband, dissolved into the poeticism and grand ideas and precise, beautiful language in my new favorite novel for almost an hour...
i awoke happy and arose slowly, rushing to get nowhere.
that i'd spent time in prayer and meditation, and set intentions for this next year round the sun.
that i had sung a lullabye to my sweet daughter, my navia, that i was holding and rocking her in my arms as i thought all of these things....
and was a bit choked up, the tenderness of it all. i guess that happens, when you get older, each tenderness breaking you open so you can hold more and more of it.
i prayed for the gift of another full year. i have lost too many to take these days for granted. i find myself sending up thanks and gratitude constantly just for allowing me to be A L I V E.
and because i want to honor me, and include me, i am grateful for me, too. :) i am grateful for my intentions and consciousness with the last four decades. sure, i've stumbled and made some wrong turns. but all in all, i'm proud of where and who i am, but humble enough to know it wasn't merely my doing that got me here. it was the helping hands and guidance of many loved ones and the grace of God that struck me with some course-correcting wisdom in several opportune moments.
i hope you'll allow me these few self portraits. i took them last week for a photo assignment and seems very fitting to share them here in this online journal as an excercis in greater self acceptance. as the one behind the camera, i am hardly ever in photos anymore... and certainly not solo, and certainly not with makeup on. ;) so here's to another year round the sun. this is me, this is where i'm at now, some four plus decades into this wondrous journey!