Oh, Keats.
You turned ONE this week!
Bday pics to come, but i'll share these for now. He's pretty happy don't ya think? :)
Sweet Navia
Sweet Satine.
xxo
"a portrait of my children, once a week, every week, in 2013"
April 29, 2013
16/52: HAPPY
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March 09, 2013
FAMILY PORTRAITS / THE 52 PROJECT
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Keats in color (version of this)
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last year i was inpsired by deb to take more photographs of my own family. i was so busy with client work and juggling motherhood/pregnancy/newborns the past couple of years, that i haven't documented my own family as much as I'd like, or if i did, the photos are buried in my computer somewhere.
i've also enjoyed looking at others' 365 Project seen all over the web. I've seen the 52 Project around the web, and was inspired to do my own when i saw my friend elizabeth's 52 project. i've been wanting to do something similar for so long, but didn't think i could commit to that type of daily/weekly/monthly ritual. i mean, look. here i am 10 weeks late, er, in, and just now getting it together.
but perfectionism is for the birds. right?! right! a domestic-mentor-someone inspired me to adopt this motto: "You are not behind! I don't want you to try to catch up; I just want you to jump in where we are. O.K.?" which is totally appropriate for this situation... so here we are. jumping in at 10 weeks.
"A portrait of my children, once a week, every week, {uh, most weeks} in 2013."
especially since i'm still on maternity leave from client shooting, i've really enjoyed getting out my "real" camera again, instead of just iphone snaps, and giving my family some of the photo-love attention that i give to my clients. we'll see how this goes. some weeks might be portraits, some weeks might be more of a photo essay like deb's... my goal is just to re-commit to taking photos of my family the way i used to...
anyone else doing a similar photo project? would love to see/hear about it.
xxo
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September 04, 2012
WOO HOO I'M IN KINDERGARDEN!
big days around here... KINDERGARTEN officially starts this week!
satine can't wait to be in "big school" and to have homework like the big kids do. (hate to disappoint her, but i don't think she'll have much homework in kindergarten, but hey, a girl can dream, right?) so we are winding down from Summer and ramping up for Fall. but one thing we're not ramping up for and that's "back to school shopping" for a new school wardrobe. which brings me to my point:
one day over the summer satine was in this dress above. i bought it from here and it's been great, we've gotten a lot of life out of it. she loves this dress-- it's her go-to. and even though i bought it for a special ocassion, i love that she wears it wherever, whenever. i'm not precious about it and neither is she. if i were, she'd only get to wear it once and then it'd be too small. besides, there's something precious in itself --and awesome!-- about the dichotomy of her wearing a lovely, silky dress while collecting bugs, playing with catepillars, and doing cartwheels in the grass.
but i digress. so one day satine is wearing this dress and she announces, "hey mom! maybe i can wear this dress to the first day of school! well, i said, probably not, because at your school they wear uniforms.
did you hear that people? uniforms. holy cuteness.
now, i confess that as a kid, i hated uniforms. hated them in all their creativity-restricting-imprisonment. not that i wore them myself, i just looked with pity upon those poor souls forced to wear them. oh foolish me. i must have somehow missed those sweet peter pan collars, those awesome little jumpers, those knee high socks that just scream childhood. i seriously can't stop oohing and aahing at the sweetness of it.
if i can get satine to sit still long enough for a photo, i'll try to post a pic of the uniform after school starts. but for now, here's to dressing up!
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March 15, 2012
my life in an Insta-gram
one of the downsides about working as a photographer, is that i hardly ever want to pull out my "big camera," (as it's become known around my house) to take photos of my own life when we're just hanging out. and isnt' that when the best photo ops occur? as soon as that black beast is in my hands, i'm in "work" mode and out of the moment that inspired me to want to take the photo in the first place.
thank goodness for iPhone + Instagram.
here are some highlights from the past month or so:
- satine lost her first tooth -- and a second one 2 days later!
- the bun in the oven is cooking away. i'm 32 weeks now.
- navia grace is 15 months, more and more engaged and alert and curious with wonder about every. single. thing. and such a sweetpea.
are you on Instagram? come find me & say hello. my username is: charleystar
Let's connect!
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January 18, 2011
Friendship /// The Sleepover {second place winner}
The Sleepover
a couple of months ago, satine's friend, ocean, came for a sleepover. when it was time for bed, i asked them if they wanted to sleep together in satine's bed, or if I should make a pallet on the floor for ocean to sleep in so they could both have their own 'bed.' they both insisted on sleeping together in satine's toddler bed.
after the requisite talking and giggling from behind the closed door had died down and i'd heard nothing but silence for a sufficient amount of time, i tiptoed in to check on them... and quickly scurried out to go grab my camera! take a look at that sweet tenderness i found-- it was too precious not to capture!
when i learned that the uber-talented duo, deb and leah, of wallflower friends, were holding a photo contest with a FRIENDSHIP theme, i immediately went to find these yet-to-be-edited photos, and got to work so that i could submit to the contest (and hopefully win myself a new lensbaby to replace my recently broken one). :)
and... YAY, my image won second place! ;)
thanks deb and leah!
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ps. if you are a photographer that has been thinking about attending a workshop... if you are looking for some inspiration and creative rejuvenation, check out deb and leah's wallflower friends retreat! these two ladies create beautiful, beautiful images, so i can only imagine that their workshop will be full of inspiration and creative juiciness! i think there is only a day or two to register for their winter retreat, so hurry! check it here.
xxo
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March 14, 2010
lil nature explorers.
looks at these two lil lovebugs. yesterday i had some much needed satine-time, and we went to the park with lily.
living in LA, i regret that satine doesn't play more in nature. we don't have a big yard of dirt to make mudpies and play in and dig lakes and create little worlds like i did when i was a child. so i try to foster in her a sense of wonder and love of nature whenever possible. i took the girls to the park and we went on a little walk... before long, we weren't just on a walk, we were on "secret trails," looking for magic castles and hiding from monsters. i encouraged a little exploration to see the gifts of nature and before i knew it, the two were full-on into their nature collections. "We're on a 'venture!," satine said to Lily.... "Vámonos, Lily, come on, let's go!" (what? satine busting out some Spanish? This was a first. Thanks, Dora.) and soon enough their little hands were full of rocks, sticks, and leaves, and all of our pockets bulged-over with their finds.
so we headed back to the blanket to lay out their collections so they could go hunt for more.
collections:
lily was so proud of that "pom pom" stick.
love the blue plastic ring in there:
"i want satine to keep hunting rocks with me. i don't want to go eat. i want to hunt rocks," lily says. every leaf and twig and rock was a source of wonder. "look! this one has a bump on it!" "this rock's no good cuz it has crunchy stuff on it." "this one is fuzzy."
needless to say, we came home with two piles of collections in the back of the car, and satine in her car seat holding a bucket of leaves, and lily in her car seat holding a cup full of rocks. awesome day.
xxo
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November 03, 2009
thoughts about my daughter.
(click to enlarge)
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THINGS I WANT TO TEACH MY DAUGHTER.
these are the things that come to mind now.
* believe in magic.
* dream big.
* courage.
* honesty.
* be kind.
* trust yourself. respect too. discipline. fun.
* know God. there is no other version other than "your version," because that's the only one whose whispers you can hear. listen.
* let your Soul live it's journey. get out of your own way.
* live from the Heart.
(i'm sure tomorrow there will be a new list.)
PICS FROM SATINE'S PARTY
it's hard to take pictures at your own party... but i did manage to get a few keepers, mostly in the beginning when only a few people were there... was so good to see all our friends who came out. thanks for making the day special for satine. (and me! :) )
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October 23, 2009
October 05, 2009
learning to see.
Satine with Ball
my life has been so unbalanced lately, no rest time, no rejuvenation time, no reflection time. i feel i've stopped seeing, i've stopped soaking in the moments. work has been great and steady, which i'm grateful for, but has completely taken over my life -- not just my work time, but what former downtime i've had.. for this and other reasons, myself and my marriage has taken a hit. we've had no time for each other. i've had no time for myself. we're stressed and overworked. we have to take time to care for ourselves and each other.
it's been hard, but we are finding our way and stepping forward with a new understanding, a new gentleness, a better care, and a stronger vision. the balance is coming... but when i am in that space sometimes, in the rapture + struggle of my drama, i will happen upon a moment that stops me in my tracks, that breaks my internal boiling reverie (which is where i've been lately, churning it over, working it out, holding on and getting hard and sinking into a space i didn't really want to be but couldn't find the way out when there are other parties involved) and demands that i put down my baggage, tuck my sad sap story of hurt away, and choose once again to be in awe of what i have, these small treasures of living, to let it go, to take life on all of its messy wonderful intriguing complicated fronts and begin to see again, to find the richness of the moment, to trust -- in myself, in the moment, in each other, to trust that all this internal churning i've been doing lately is a sort of spiritual skin-shedding, a re-processing, a way to keep equilibrium, and Authenticity.
breathe deep, and the moment will save you. if i truly see, if i really discover, and awaken to that one small moment of wonder and awe right in front of me.... everything unnecessary melts away and all i am left with is all that i need. not the anger. not the stress. not the hurt. it can change my perspective in an instant, and i can reconstruct my story. it's like i've learned to see again. satine is the one thing to always do this for me, to lead me back to the path...
(the image above is from a new Satine series i'm working on.)
and this, the brilliance of bedtime now: she tells me stories, every night, after i read to her.
here, a monster burps up a little girl.
Download 20090916_8 47 PM_satine tells story once upon a time monster burps lil girl
and here, satine sings in the bath.
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July 23, 2009
today. "Cry Mommy, Cry!"
today was full of dramatic play: i watched my lovely husband flying a helicopter around the train set, making up stories with satine of how the helicopter had to make an emergency landing for maintenance, and satine "driving" the train cars out of the way to make room... them 'fixing' the helicopter and negotiating traffic conditions on the train set/village.
but that type of play is semi-regular now that she's getting older. what was different, or new, was the level of dramatic play she initiated with me, out of the blue:
she put her butterfly wings on and says: 'mom you cry an i fly away, o-KAA-EE?! (this is how she says ok, with an excited lilt and urgency to the 'kay').
What? "You want me to cry and you're going to fly away?"
"Yea, you cry an i fly away, o-KAA-EE?!"
"OK", i say, as i chopped the sweet potatoes. i was making dinner.
"Cry, mommy!" she calls from the other room.
i fake a cry. "waa-uhh-aah-uhh!... don't leave me, butterfly, dont' fly away!" i exclaim. she runs the circle from the dining room back into the kitchen, and then throws her arms around my legs, her face an utter delight. "Oh my goodness my butterfly's returned!" i exclaim, scooping her up and kissing her all over.
"OK, you cry an i fly way, uhKAY?!!" Her face looks like it is going to pop with enthusiasm.
"Buhuuuhhhauuaha..." i do a big, fake dramatic cry. Again, she circles the dining room. This time i chase her, but she can't contain her excitement and ends up turning and running back towards me. We hug and kiss in exaggerated delight.
"OK, you cry an i fly way, uhKAA-EE?!!" and we repeat the game.
And repeat again, with another variation.
And another.
I realize this is going to go on for some time.
Now the sweet potatoes are baking in the oven and i've moved on to the mustard greens in between tears and thrills of delight at her return. "Cry, Mommy, cry!" This time, i conjur up my acting chops and do a 'real' cry -- not so dramatic, so fake, but more of the soft, silent tears, the way it would happen naturally. Mainly because i figure it'll expend less energy -- this was tiring! -- and because, well, hey, to see if i still could. But because she is in the other room, she can't hear this or see the subtle moves of my body.
"Cry Mommy!" she squeals.
"WAAAA-uhaaaaahhhh-uuhhhaaaAAAAAAAAA!" i bemoan fakely. "Don't go, buttefly! don't go, come back...!" and within seconds she is back at my legs, her bright face beaming up at mine to say, "i've returned. here i am. aren't you so happy?"
now, the foreshadowing of all this is not lost on me. i flash to her first sleep over, summer camp, college, moving to the other side of the world to pursue a job, a boy, a whim, a dream, a life... when she will leave happily and i will be left with a gaping sorrowful hole in my heart, and her returns will get further and further apart. but i push that thought aside and continue the game while trying to get dinner on the table.
"Now you be da buttafwy an iw'll cwy, o-KAA-EE?!"
"OK." i say and put the wings on.
"Ready?" she asks. "Ready!" i say, and scoot off, flapping my arm wings.
she stands in the kitchen, her little plump body in that perfect toddler stand-slump, her head slightly bowed, and says with the utmost spot-on conviction and utterly genuine cry of longing and sorrow: {crying moan} "i waaant my buttafwyyyyyyyy.... i waaant my buttafwy...."
DA-YUM, i thought. She's good!
ok, maybe that's me projecting because i am (was?) an actress.. but i have to admit that it simultaneously impressed and terrified me that she may be a really good actor-- or more specifically, that she may want to pursue it as a career. and then all of my own judgments and disappointments about that particular business come tumbling into my head -- and i know i have to push those aside too, that this is merely a game of fun, that even if she DOES choose to pursue acting -- or whatever it is -- that i will have to contain my own worries or fears in favor of allowing her her own dreams, and mistakes, and success.
And so,
i stuff those thoughts away too -- but not before feeling EXACTLY the way my mother probably felt at my own choice to live on the other side of the country, to pursue a particularly... challenging... career in acting before giving it up --
and, with arm-wings flitting, i fly back into the kitchen, and kneel down at my little girl's slumped over body... and she hugs me.. and kisses me... and tells me she's glad i'm home.
xxo
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March 27, 2009
our morning.... success!
at the risk of having satine kill me when she gets older... i share with you our morning...
reading while waiting... like father like daughter
concentration
waiting
wat u doin mommy?
umm... i think i went potty
OK now you're just annoying me, Mom! get outta my face with that camera and give me some privacy!
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February 22, 2009
January 31, 2009
it's begun. the questioning.
about dolls, about life, about poop. she wants to know it all. it came out of nowhere, there, tonight, on the changing table, after bath, her wet body shimmering in the soft lamp light as i rubbed in the "lo-shy" (lotion).
"mommy, bu-bu huht." (bum-bum hurts)
"yea, mommy's gonna put some cream on it to make it feel better ok? i think it's because you had such a hard time going poopy today." (yes, the last 2 days have been a series of grunts and groans and laying on the kitchen floor by the trash can-- because who DOESN'T want to go poopy next to the garbage?-- for an hour or so, sometimes with luck, sometimes not. i never realized that a constipated 2 year old could sound like she was giving birth.)
"Why-yyyyyyyy?"
(did she really just ask me that? she's never said that before) "well, because, sometimes our bodies just get... stuffed up."
"but whyyy?"
i laugh and tuck my face closer to hers. "'why'? did you just ask me 'but why??' you sure do have a curious mind."
she giggles into my nose i melt into her laugh and continue rubbing in the lo-shy.
she continues. "but whhyyy stuf uuuhp?"
"well... because whatever we eat comes out our bum-bum and sometimes we dont eat enough good things to make it come out easily."
then a simple, as if she were bored, "Oh."
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November 03, 2008
October 24, 2008
October 11, 2008
alphabet soup
i've been designing a logo all week for a branding job, so fonts are in my head. this one particularly caught my eye when i opened my book from paperbackswap.com (yay! recycled free books. check it if you haven't)-- a 1955 book about teaching your child to read. the inside cover revealed this little beauty:
it's the perfect font for it's subject matter. i love it's cute chalkboard feel.
we've been learning the alphabet. every time we enter or exit her bedroom, satine stops and points, making me call out "e," "n," "i," "t," "a," "s," as her finger moves backwards to forwards over her name on the door.
we've been coloring at her table and making letters. we hang them in the hallway. everywhere we go, letters, letters, letters.
we cuddle in the bed, reading goodnight stories. Tonight: Dora is going to school.
We get to the part where they are heading through Alphabet town. there is a purple bus and trees and buildings in a maze of letters. you have to find the A and follow it to Z, to get through town and find your way to school before the 3rd bell rings. "Rapido!" Dora exclaims. So off we go, sing-songing A-B-C-D-E-F-G--- Satine stops me mid-alphabet and yells "Mom!! B!!! B is for Bus!"
Her face is on fire with glee. her understanding, and her ability to communicate it, is exploding. and it is such a joy to watch and i am so proud of her i want to melt. the synapses are firing and the connections are sticking and i can tell we are (she is) in a whole new phase of learning.
"Yes, B is for Bus" i laugh and hug her.
.... it really is the simple things, huh?
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November 19, 2007
November 17, 2007
Breakfast with Satine
going to a baby shower today has me thinking about baby gifts:
Collages from illustator Lorena Siminovich:
(click to enlarge)
but for now, it's breakfast with Satine:
Satine in the Morning Light
The Rest of the Story
(click to enlarge)
Food? Fingers? Fingers? Food?...
xxo
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August 05, 2007
a few weeks ago, my cool friend and super-fabulous photographer roman cho did a photo shoot for us while my MIL was in town. i'm still sorting through all the amazing pics, deciding which ones to print, but above are some of my favorites from the shoot.
below is bugnut in the baby bonnet/wedding handkerchief that my mom gave me/her. baby wears it now as a bonnet, and then on her wedding day, she can use it as her "something old." you just snip a few threads and voila! it's a handkerchief again. very cool. thanks mom. (boy babies can also wear bonnet kerchiefs and then give it to his bride to wear. then in turn, she gives it to her baby to wear, and so on.) anyway, i had to take a few shots of buggy in the bonnet to proove that she did actually wear it when she was a baby (it's a bit to frou-frou for my tastes to wear on a regular basis).
you can see her playing and eventually getting frustrated with it:
yanking the bonnet off. (hilarious)
and now: eating the bonnet. (love that pointed toe, btw. way to go, ballerina!)
next, just some of us goofin off... check out satine's faces!
and the arm and leg gestures...
satine, fearing for her life.
i heart mama kay.
thanks again Ro-Cho!
xxo
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July 29, 2007
July 18, 2007
#1 REASON WHY DADS SHOULDN'T DRESS BABIES
Satine as an old man.
i asked Hubs to go dress satine, and the two of them disappeared into the bedroom. What re-emerged was the dorkiest, oldest-man version of my daughter i'd ever seen. :)
Gotta love it....
Hubby's defense: 'i wasn't dressing her. i was just throwing a pair of pants on because her legs were cold and i pulled them up high because they were too long."
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April 30, 2007
April 26, 2007
FIRST BITES
satine is on solids now, one meal a day. soon to be two. the introduction of each new food is a sight to behold, as her face discloses the journey of first tastes...
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Contemplating Peas
every few days, a new delicious-ness,
or not: rice, bananas,
peas
and each first bite, her small planet of a face
curdles
fights,
puckers in revolt,
those pureed aliens crash-landing upon tongue,
detonating small bombs of texture,
taste, smell.
i watch, patient
yet firm, 'til lips wear skirts of green, and open mouth
signals the savory journey
from enemy, to stranger,
to friend.
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April 25, 2007
Beginnings
so i'm starting a blog. i know, big deal.
why? well, i'm at a Beginning. i've become a mother. i've got some time on my hands. the pace of life has slowed down a bit, and i'm taking time to reflect + enjoy. to look at little toes and little feet, pudgy knees and chubby cheeks. plus, i'd been ferociously hinting that i wanted a digital SLR for a while, and hubs finally caved and got me one for my birthday. so i'll be documenting the ever changing landscape of my daughter's face... as well the life around me.
so yea. after an extended maternity leave, i'm not returning to work. i'm staying home for... little toes and chubby cheeks: my daughter, satine. what else is there?!! (ok, i'm slightly infatuated i admit.) there is the hubby (hey baby), my freelance design work, acting, running a dj company with hubs, photography, artwork, and the occasional poetry, writings, ramblings and musings about life, love and other going-ons in sunny los angeles.
life IS beautiful.
big shout out to my lovely friends and the fams back in brook-LYN and south cacalacki. love ya'll.
xxo
charley * star
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